My Psychedelic Journey
From 2015 to 2022 (launch of Mindlumen)
I was sent to a military boarding school in India. This isn’t a prep school. It was horse stables for a few years. We had no running water while they were building a school to house all of us.
I was 4 ½ years old when I was put on a plane and the flight attendant took care of me. I don’t recall if any of my siblings were there with me. My uncle met me in Mumbai, put me on a train the next day. I am pretty sure someone was with me but I don’t remember anyone. I remember I was crying and when I was dropped off in Pune, I was picked up by the staff at the School and there are no siblings around. It’s a childhood picture I remember seeing.
My parents were living in Bahrain (Middle East) because my Dad was working as a wireless operator for Cable & Wireless.
I didn’t see my parents for 9 months out of every year from the time I was 4 ½ to the time I graduated at 15.
I came to this country (US) when I was 16 years old, not knowing a soul. I was the youngest person in college and one of only 20 or so people of color in a sea of ~2300 students in Ohio.
I got my undergrad in Engineering and Masters in Business and moved out to California shortly after to pursue my “American Dream”.
By all external measures, I was quite “successful”. I was making money in Silicon Valley, I had a nice place, I had savings, I was traveling, I was married to a beautiful woman, I could do whatever I wanted without having to worry about money.
It was 2015, why wasn’t I “happy”. 70% of the people aren’t happy doing what they are doing.
That’s when the questioning began.
Why am I not “happy”?
What am I doing on this planet?
What is my purpose?
Why do I exist?
Why are my relationships and life not fulfilling?
What am I missing?
Why am I stressed and not sleeping well?
Why am I working 12-16 days? for what?
It started with a personal story that I told about growing up in India and coming to this country. Even though I had given hundreds of presentations and very comfortable with public speaking, this time, I was nervous.
My search to find someone to help me with my own trauma and mental challenges began in late 2017. It took me 3 years and a lot of friction to find someone to help me. I had never seen a therapist. We, Indians, aren’t supposed to seek therapy, or show emotion. We are just supposed to suck it up. My identity was tied up in my professional “success”.
This podcast is the first time I shared my story and how the idea of Mindlumen was born. While listening to this podcast, where it was just an idea at the time, much has changed since then. We have pivoted but our vision and mission remains.
More recently, I have realized that I was chasing “happiness”. As I have gone through the process of self-discovery, dealing with my own childhood trauma, where I had not only felt abandoned but also abandoned my own country and culture, is “happiness” what I want?
I have started asking this question of myself and to others:
Do you want “happiness” or do you seek “blissfulness”?
I know what I seek. Happiness to me, is driven by external factors - money, things, etc We keep chasing it. Bliss, on the other hand, comes from the inside. There’ll be moments of joy, sadness, etc but I have learned to appreciate them and see beauty in them.
My journey continues… I am living a blissful life